Through Love and Loss: Krystle’s Caregiving Story

Krystle Chai and her mother at the wedding

Last July, everything changed for Krystle Chai. She married the love of her life, and she said her final goodbye to her mother. 

“I guess you could say it was the best and the worst year of my life,” Krystle reflects. “But I’m choosing to focus on what I was able to have. I got to share my wedding day with my mom. That’s something I’ll carry forever.”

When Krystle’s mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer in April 2023, they began a long and emotional road of treatment, care, and eventually, hospice. “She did so well in the beginning—driving herself to chemo, going to appointments. But then it spread. And everything changed so fast.” 

What followed was a full spectrum of care through Hawai‘i Care Choices—starting with Kupu (Palliative) Care then HMSA Supportive Care, and finally, full hospice. “I had never done anything like this before. I didn’t know what I was doing. But the nurses guided me through every step,” Krystle says. “They were there for me—not just as caregivers for my mom, but as encouragers. They let me know I was doing everything I could.”   

As her mother’s condition worsened, Krystle became the primary caregiver: coordinating medical equipment, navigating care options, and preparing for end-of-life decisions. She was also working full time, raising three young children, and carrying the invisible weight of what many know too well: caregiver guilt. 

“There’s this voice in your head that says, ‘You’re not doing enough. You should’ve done more.’ But I did everything I could, more than I thought I was capable of,” she says. “It’s just… hard when your mom looks at only you to care for her, and you’re just one person.” What she didn’t feel, though, was alone. “I had support: from my husband, from my kids, from my aunt who’s a nurse, and from the hospice team. Even after my mom passed, Hawai‘i Care Choices still reached out with grief support resources.” 

Krystle remembers the final days vividly. The hospital bed in the living room. The quiet bath routines. The moment she realized her mom no longer wanted to fight. “We had the POLST. We had her advanced healthcare directive. I knew her wishes. I was just the one executing them. It was hard, but it gave me peace. And it helped guide the rest of my family too.” 

Her mom passed on July 18, 2024, just weeks after attending Krystle’s wedding. “We got her to the ceremony, even had to hold her up for the family photos,” she says with a laugh and a tear. “She made it. That was her gift to me.” 

Now, Krystle wants to give back. She hopes to volunteer with Hawai‘i Care Choices—helping other families who might feel overwhelmed, lost, or alone. “Caregivers need someone to come in and give them a break, even just for a few hours. I want to be that person for someone else.” 

When asked what she’d say to someone beginning the same journey she walked, Krystle is quiet for a moment before offering this: “You don’t get over the grief. You just learn to live with it. But with the right support, with people around you who care, you’ll realize you’re stronger than you think. And you’re not alone.”